Sheen gets paid big bucks for having a terrible sitcom

Hollywood star Charlie Sheen is set to become the highest-paid comedy star on television following two months of pay negotiations with Warner Bros. The actor will earn $350,000 per episode for the upcoming season of hit comedy show Two And A Half Men.

DOES ANYONE EVEN WATCH THAT SHOW? HOW THE HELL DID IT BECOME THE HIGHEST RATED SITCOM? AM I MISSING SOMETHING?

PLEASE SOMEBODY CLUE ME IN!

Tracy Ullman Commits Career Suicide

Tracey Ullman learned to knit as a child growing up in England. She became an avid knitter while filming the movie A Dirty Shame in Baltimore.

Now she's got a cheesy-ass book about knitting who she co-wrote with a yarn store owner.

Wha' happened Tracy? Wha' happened?

Jonesing for Janis Joplin

Zooey Deschanel has replaced singer Pink as Janis Joplin in the biopic Gospel According To Janis. The singer pulled out of the Penelope Spheeris film earlier this year and, after much speculation, Deschanel was eventually selected to take over the role. Deschanel has spent the past four months working with a vocal coach to help her mimic Joplin's gritty vocals, and she will sing all of Joplin's songs featured in the film. Filming will begin on November 13 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and the film is scheduled for release in 2008. Oscar winner Renee Zellweger is attached to another film about Joplin's life, but it is currently on hold at Paramount Pictures while the script is reworked.

Meanwhile, this WAS going on in Japan...40 years ago

Don't you just love Liza's two little gay boys.

Give it up for America Ferrera

A bizarrely, blissfully successful hybrid of comedy, drama and soap, Ugly Betty is based on a Colombian telenovela and executive-produced by Mexican actress Salma Hayek.

Basically, it's the Devel Wears Prada set to television.

Anybody want to weigh in on whether it'll be a hit or a bomb?

Oil Wars

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez and his country's oil company can no longer pump gas for 7-Eleven Inc.

Amid a growing backlash against anti-American comments by Chavez [In which he called President Bush the Devil-simply saying out loud what our whole country is probably thinking] the Dallas-based convenience store giant said yesterday that it was dropping Venezuela-backed Citgo Petroleum Corp. as its gasoline supplier so it could launch its own brand.

Well, at least we're not waging war against Venezeula. Have I spoken too soon?

Smile!

Opening night of the Metropolitan Opera's 2006-2007 season, at Lincoln Center in New York.

Meg Ryan: "Yes, my bad plastic surgery still makes me look like Jack Nicholson's Joker. in Batman"

The Gift of a Train Wreck

To make up for not blogging yesterday, I've given you this little gift:

Columbia Pictures and Chanel held a special screening of Marie Antoinette at the Arclight Cinemas in Hollywood, with an after-party at the Chateau Marmont.

And guess who showed up:

Six!! From that 90s show Blossom

Miss Lohan has kindly requested that I give her due credit for this ridiculous ensemble. So there you have it Lohan. It's not Six from Blossom, folks!

Meanwhile, this is going on in Japan

Japan's Jackasses

A very good friend of mine moved to Japan to live with his girlfriend-they just got married this past Spring, and he's teaching English to a huge Japanese celebrity that we've never heard of—like the Britney Spears of Japan. I always imagine I might see him in one of these YouTube videos some day, pulling this kind of shit:

A VICTORY FOR LIZA

Curtain up! Light the lights! Ready or not, here comes MAMA.

Liza Minnelli's completely insane ex-husband, David Gest, has lost the first round of his divorce battle against Liza Minnelli after his $10 million civil assault lawsuit was thrown out of court yesterday. Gest claimed Liza turned into the Incredible Hulk during alcoholic rages, and that he was beaten so badly that he had to be hospitalized. But State Supreme Court Justice Jane Solomon wasn't buying the allegations. Instead she granted Minnelli's motion to dismiss the lawsuit after her own medical expert made it clear that Gest's much publicized headaches were caused by a strain of herpes.

You dirty, David. You dirty.

Murderer gets a Movie Deal: That's Bollywood Kids!

A reformed woman bandit in India has cast aside her guns to star in a Bollywood film which will recount her life of murder and robbery in the country's parched northern badlands. Kidnapped by robbers at the age of 13, Seema Parihar struck fear among villagers living in the barren wastelands of India. She looted, murdered and abducted people until 2000 when she finally surrendered to police. Now, the 35-year-old former bandit -- who is out on bail accused of around 30 cases of murder, robbery and kidnapping -- says she wants the world to know her story.

WOW! The U.S. has got it all wrong! We should have saved Eileen Wuornos from the death penalty and instead allowed her to cash in big Hollywood bucks by starring as herself in Monster instead of Charlize Theron!

Then again, we give crack-dealing rappers like 50 Cent big G's to teach kids how to fuck up their lives, so I guess it all balances itself out in the end.

Russell Crowe: A monkey with a wig on

Actor Russell Crowe said on Monday he quit an epic movie, directed by Baz Luhrman (Moulin Rouge), about the Australian outback co-starring Nicole Kidman because he doesn't do "charity work" for major studios.

"I just didn't want to work on that movie in the type of environment that was being created because of the needs of the budget," Crowe told reporters while promoting his new movie, director Ridley Scott's "A Good Year," in New York.

What he really meant to say was: They weren't willing to give me the usual perks set out in my contract, such as a jar of just the blue M&M's, a trailor with all the kiddie porn I could ever want, and an assistant who I can beat to a pulp with a telephone, so I quit.

Apparently Russell considers the $5 million plus they were going to pay him for the movie as not enough for "charity" work. Stars. They're NOT like us.

THE BEST VIDEO IN THE WORLD

Yesterday, I had the chance to be a voyeur at a fashion photo shoot, which was a lot of fun, cause you get to hang out, read magazines, and look at how much really goes into making that perfect photograph. The photographers were the uber-talented and super-sexy Kate & Camilla.

While I was there I met a very funny lady who has a wicked myspace page and who introduced me to this video. It may very well be the best video I will ever have up on this blog, so CHECK IT OUT!

A PIRATE'S LIFE FOR KEITH

According to IMBD, Keith Richards appearance in the second Pirates Of The Caribbean sequel descended into chaos after he reportedly got so drunk on the movie set, the film's director had to prop him up. [REALLY? GOD, THAT'S SO SURPRISING. HMM.]

The hellraising Rolling Stones guitarist finally shot his long awaited cameo as Johnny Depp's father [HOW APPROPRIATE] in Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End earlier this summer, but he is unlikely to remember the occasion which concluded months of speculation. The 62-year-old rocker is reported to have remarked, "If you wanted straight, then you got the wrong man." [YOU TELL 'EM KEITH. AND AS A SIDE NOTE, WE'RE ALL SO PROUD OF YOU FOR COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET].