Paris is BURNING

Looks like the Heatherette fashion show this past week was quite the little event. Clad in animal-print and wheeling a Heatherette carry-on bag, Paris pouted down the runway while half mouthing the words to her new single, or was she just mumbling "left foot, then right foot, left foot in front of right foot. I think I'm getting the hang of this."

The California surfer dude and dudette-themed show also showcased Sister Nicky, Mena Suvari, Mia, Johnny Weir (that FABULOUS male figure skater who just MAGIC on the ice), Theodora Richards, Tinsley Mortimer and Kelis.

Hitler apparently had children

And their names are Lynx and Lamb.

In the movie Boys from Brazil, a Nazi doctor who's escaped from Germany at the end World War II makes a bunch of Hitler clones in Brazil, so he can birth the dictator back to life, and we all get to see what Hitler might have been like in his adolescence.

However the story that Primetime aired last year about two 14-year old pro-Nazi twins couldn't be farther from fiction. And here's an update:

The two teens, Lamb and Lynx Gaede (I'm sure their last name is pronounced "gayed") are spokeskids for white separatists. They created the band Prussian Blue to communicate their white separatist views musically. The song "Sacrifice" praises Nazi leader Rudolph Hess, Adolph Hitler's deputy. The two have modeled T-shirts featuring Hitler smiley faces. They mostly appear at rallies for white nationalist causes and maintain a Web site with links to other white separatist organizations. I'm not going to put down the link to their website, because if people want to spend their time looking at shit, then they can use the john.

Anyhow, they recently moved with their mother, April, and stepfather Mark Harrington to Kalispell, Montana from Bakersfield, Calif., after April told "Primetime" that Bakersfield was "not white enough." But signs have begun to appear on windows in the city of Kalispell that proclaim "No Hate Here."

Hopefully they'll deem Montana as "not white enough" too, and then they'll have the brilliant idea to move to Antarctica where it's REALLY WHITE, and live among polar bears, who are also REALLY WHITE, and who I'm sure will give the family a warm welcome by promptly mashing their faces in WHITE snow and proceed to tear them limb from limb, until they become feeding scraps for black crows. Graphic yes, but being the Nazi's that they are, I wouldn't expect that they would want it any less violent.

"There's Something Wrong with the World Today"

A woman who forced her stepchildren to gorge themselves on food and drink, then eat their own vomit has been sentenced to two to six years in prison.

Venus Critchfield, 35, of Philippi, West Virginia, was also accused of beating the children's feet with boards, and using ropes and hooks to force them to stand for long periods, said Taylor County Prosecutor John Bord.

Circuit Judge Alan D. Moats called the abuse one of the worst cases he's seen in 30 years.

"You are like the proverbial wicked stepmother of fairy tales," he said. "You should never have been a mother; you are the antithesis of everything that is a mother."

West Virginia, Naturally.

Read more here

Clooney for President

George Clooney joined Nobel Peace Prize winner Elie Wiesel on Thursday to not only prove to the United Nations Security Council that he is a very handsome gay man, but also to press them about helping to stop the killings in Sudan's Darfur region.

Since February 2003, when ethnic African tribes revolted against the Arab-led Khartoum government, state-sponsored militias called Janjaweed have reportedly killed at least 400,000 people and displaced 2.5 million more. Clooney's crusade began in April when he and his father, retired newsman Nick Clooney, spent five days in Darfur filming interviews with refugees.

This Saturday (tomorrow) a rally will take place in New York's Central park organized by the Save Darfur Coalition.

I know you're not going to get off your lazy ass to go to this rally, cause all of those rally things end up being miserable protests about 101 different issues that you couldn't give a shit about. But dammit, George Clooney needs your support, and most importantly the people of Darfur do, because for all the problems we've got going on in our country, they've got it 10 times worse. Okay?

Everyone's a Little Bit Racist!

Does the new Pope have a secret alliance with Bush?

As Pope Benedict XVI (pictured right) arrived back home from Germany, Muslim leaders strongly criticized a speech he gave on his trip that used unflattering language about Islam.

The same thing can't be said for his predecessor, Pope John Paul II (pictured left), who wasn't exactly a saint either, but at least he encouraged the understanding and tolerance between opposing religions. Read more about it here.

It's About Time!

Redemption?

Yesterday, three men became the first rabbis ordained in Germany since the Holocaust. Germany obviously has a dire shortage of rabbis, not having ordained any since the Nazi regime shut down the rabbinical seminary in Berlin in 1942. Only 30 rabbis are active here, all from abroad.

This is unbelievable. Can you believe its been this long??

Check the story out here.

Viva los Gays!

Anti-gay activists claim they're being muzzled!

Well Good, and while we're at it, why don't we round up the anti-gay assholes in a kennel, put 'em to sleep, and call it a day.

P.S. I think Ellen and Portia make a sweet little pair. That's right, I said it!

Religious conservative leaders, sensing declining alarm over same-sex marriage, are warning that the debate over homosexuality has prompted attacks on religious freedom. Click here for full story.

Whitney's Competition

Rumor has it that Whitney is divorcing Bobby, not only because he's a money-sucking leech, but because he's also got a lady on the side—Karrine Steffans. The HORROR!



Karrine “Superhead” Steffans, nicknamed for talents that are clearly unrelated to the breadth of her brain, made mad cash from her 2005 tell-all tome, Confessions of a Video Vixen. Dishing out details about her sexcapades with hip-hop and Hollywood’s hottest must have worked, ‘cause now she's bagged her biggest prize ever: Mr. Whitney Houston. What a lucky girl! She's really bagged a winner folks!

Viagral

I guess this is what I get for moonlighting as an old spinster. This old guy saw my picture and profile on MySpace, and here's the little message I got from him in my inbox.

Hi Elle,
My name is Allan Francklin, I'm a 55 year old white gentleman from Houston, TX.
I speak a little English. I consider my appearance to be very good looking. I am 6.6
fit tall with an average build. I have brown hair, big brown eyes and a fair
complexion.But right now am in Africa on a business .. Am a Very caring and
warm My personality type tends toward being outgoing. People would most often
describe my temperament as very caring and warm; I should make my living as a
comedian. In regards to punctuality, I'm always early.. The type of relationship
I'm looking for would ideally include friendship, but I'm not in a hurry, we can
start as friends. I'm currently Widowed, and I have children who are grown and on
their own. I'm currently self-employed and work as a Business in the Networking
field. My education includes I believe in life-long learning. I have 2 pets, a dog and
a cat. I also enjoy dogs and cats. My religious affiliation is Christian and I observe
religious practices weekly.. Dear i will be looking forward to see your reply if u are
still interested. God Bless and watch over u in everything u are doing .May the
almighty God keep and watch over until u reply this email ...God bless ones again .

Allan

YIKES! Is this what senior citizen dating is like???

This guy says he only speaks a little English, but then he says he's from Texas? (Well, on the other hand, I can actually believe that—have you heard our president speak?) Regardless, he sounds like a mail-order groom who translated Swahili into English on the Internet. Sounds like an invitation for something really seedy and raunchy. It's either that, or a scam to tap into my bank account. SHADY. What a freakin' nut.

What's In a NAME?

Apparently big bucks.

Lawyers announced a settlement this week upholding the right of gay London DJ/producer Richard "Diddy" Dearlove to use the name "Diddy" within the United Kingdom.

Under the terms of the order and a settlement agreement, hip-hop superstar Sean "P. Diddy" Combs must pay Diddy Dearlove "significant damages" and will no longer be able to trade in the U.K. as "Diddy." He has also been ordered to pay Dearlove's $182,000 court costs and $18,000 in damages.

Diddy Dearlove said in a recent interview:

"Discussions about possible outcomes were floated around, and I had to consider what my response was if he wanted to buy the name from me. Wild figures floated around, but no matter how big I tried to think, I always ended up really unhappy with the idea of losing my name. It was such a surreal place to be in, thinking, 'Would you take X million? How about if it was doubled?'"

I'm sorry, but is this the kind of bullshit that our legal system actually has to deal with on a daily basis? If so, I don't blame our courts for being so completely effed up - look at the kind of people they have to stomach every day. Both Diddy's are completely moronic, and so are their dumb-ass names.

Here the man formerly known as Diddy frenching his Grammy.

J.T. LEROY and THE NIGHT LISTENER

THE NIGHT LISTENER

Robin Williams plays well-known gay writer and depressed late-night radio show host Gabriel Noone whose longtime boyfriend has recently moved out. Noone starts up a correspondence with one of his callers, a 13-year-old boy who has written a brutal autobiographical work about his sexually abusive childhood. But after a while Noone begins to suspect this whole setup is a fraud (which cleaves closely to the scandal surrounding "fake" novelist JT LeRoy). Based on Armistead Maupin's true story, the film is shot almost like a creepy thriller.

I haven't seen this yet, but I want to, more because I'm interested in how they deal with the J.T. Leroy aspect of it.

If you don't know about J.T. Leroy, you've either been in a coma, or you don't care, but either way, here's some background on the story about the 40-year-old female writer who duped the world into believing she was a fucked up gay kid with a seriously disturbing and sexually abusive past.



Said 40-year-old woman, Laura Albert, recently gave an interview in the fall issue of the Paris Review:

She offered no apologies, and defends herself against the people who are upset about being "had." If knowing that I'm 15 years older than J.T. devalues the work, then I'm sorry they feel that way."

Here's what Gawker had to say in response:

"It's not the age difference that devalues the work. It's knowing that Albert is 15 years older, not a boy, not transgendered, not a recovering heroin addict, not a former teen prostitute, not a heroin addict, not an abused child and not HIV positive that devalues the work. But you can't really explain that to a lobotomy candidate."

HERE WHAT I HAVE TO SAY IN RESPONSE TO GAWKER:

I say BRAVO for duping all of us Laura Albert! If Albert actually declared her true identity to sell her novel, do you think anyone would have taken it as seriously as they did? Do you think it would have been published? Of course not!!

People would have said, what does a 40-year old woman know about being gay, having a heroin problem, being a male prostitute? She never would have been successful. How do you think George Sand, George Elliot—who were both female writers—got people to read their stuff. Because sadly, they knew the world would not them seriously as women.

Using a pen name allows female authors to become males, and therefore have a voice of authority they would otherwise never be granted. Authors have been using pen names long before the pen was eve invented people! Louisa May Alcott, who wrote Little Women, used numerous pen names including A.M. Barnard, so why the hell is everyone so upset about J.T. Leroy? Because she happened to put a face to her pen name? We should be buying her a damn drink!

That little Gawker turd was probably just pissed off that he/she has been duped, and betrayed by someone who is obviously a talented writer. So I say, rock out without your cock out Laura! People will still read your books, and I'm happy that you did what you had to do to get your books published, cause you realized people wouldn't give you a leg up as a women, cause sadly, anyone would be a freakin' moron to think that we're all still not living in man's world.

Not Worth Mentioning

Good morning people. First bit of business I want to discuss is that I've decided not to talk about Britney's new baby boy, and I've also decided not to delve into the death of Anna Nicole Smith's son. I'm not going to do it. I just can't Ok? I decided I'm going to save it for the novel I'm going to write about both of them called "I'm White Trash and I Know It—Are you Jealous?"

Here's the thing: Britney ain't gonna stop having babies with K-Fed, and she is white trash, and she likes it that way, OK!? Accept it and let's move on. The death of Anna's 20-year-old son, Daniel, is indeed tragic - almost anyone's death is. Poor Anna, she had to be sedated after it happened. But Daniel probably thought, 'Well, my mom's got a new baby now, so this is my out, and now someone else can bear the brunt of a life full of unending humiliation'. That may be a horrible thing to say, but like I say, I can't help it, Ok?

HELL TO THE YES

Yes, it's official folks, Whitney Houston is divorcing Bobby Brown.

Anyone who ever saw "Being Bobby Brown" can attest to the fact that Bobby is indeed mildly retarded (but he does have some good dance moves) and that Whitney Houston apparently needs him around so that he can help her when her bowel movements just aren't quite making a grand exit. Sorry. That's really gross. But it's true.

Anyhow, I hope this divorce will help you get off the crack Whitney, and maybe you can start singing again, cause you were this close to the point of no return, like your looney tunes psychic aunt, Dionne Warwick.

Fashion Reek

Fashion week can be real hell. You can never get a cab. You have to make your way through the maze of tourists who are all salivating over those dumb tents at Bryant Park that house all the fashionistas, celebrities, Z-list celebrities, and wanna-be celebrities for after-parties and the like. And then fashion week monopolizes the news, so I have to sit there while I'm watching TV or reading the paper and take it, and remind myself every year that I don't have $1 million dollars to buy a gold-plated Gucci shoelace.

I like clothes, don't get me wrong, but aren't there more interesting ways and more globally responsible ways for people to spend their money? It's not like fashion is a piece of art that doesn't depreciate.

You're going to wear that $4,000 Jil Sander sweater and get pit stains on it. You're going to buy those expensive Ferragamo loafers and probably step in poo sooner or later. And you're going to take that $6,000 Balenciaga bag and fill it with make-up or cream, or anything else that's gonna spill all over the place and give it a rank stench for eternity. But here are some people who don't really care about my trite argument:

Aliens like expensive clothing, just like us!!
The Olsen twins, proving once again—with their oddly misshaped heads, bug-eyes, and waify bodies—that they are indeed aliens from the planet Anorexicoid, are shown here in their most fetching human-wear.


Rumored to be starting a new clothing line of her own, Ashley Olsen attends a party for Balenciaga with her sister Mary-Kate. Don't be fooled people! The extraterrestrial's plan for starting a clothing line is just a front for her master plan of world domination.




Look at little Ashton Koochi-koo playing hangman with his mom during Marc Jacobs' runway breaks!




But seriously, good for you Demi for looking so damn incredible at age 80. You're a fox! And good for Ashton for sticking by your side. Old men marry young women all the time. It should happen the other way around more often.

The Planet Spins, and the World Goes Round

What a Pisser:
A group of varsity cheerleaders allegedly threatened several freshman girls with urine-filled balloons and water pistols. About one dozen ninth-graders left Lakeview High School in St. Clair Shores. Michigan on Monday because they feared for their safety.

Game ON!
In Pittsburgh, a kid says his baseball coach offered him $25 to throw a ball at an autistic teammate. The coach wanted the boy injured so he wouldn't be able to take part in the playoff game. League rules require each player to play at least three innings. The autistic kid, Harry Bowers Jr., 11, who was struck by two throws -- one hit him in the groin and the other in the ear -- and he was not able to participate in the playoff game. This is so freakin' sad, man. Poor kid. Somebody should whack that coach's nuts with a good swing of a bat!

Dipshit
A Greek bank robber armed with ninja throwing stars finally ran out of moves Tuesday when police arrested him after an Athens bank robbery. They unmasked the robber and lo and behold! It was Yanni, that Grecian god of music!

Just Kidding.

I don't know who the dumb-ass really was, ok!?



Que Viva España!!!
Madrid's fashion week has turned away underweight models after protests that girls and young women were trying to copy their rail-thin looks and developing eating disorders. Organizers say they want to project an image of beauty and health, rather than a waif-like, or heroin chic look.This picture is slightly retouched, but you get the idea.


Kudos to my motherland, España. It's a comfort to know that someone's had enough of this twiggy bullshit and has decided to do something about it.

Show me that smile again!

We knew Kirk Cameron had turned into a fanatically religious Bible-boy after “Growing Pains,” but the defunct actor is downright batshit crazy. Apparently, Kirk not only knows what happens when you die, but he also debunks the theory of evolution in less than 3 minutes, and let’s you in on Hell’s best kept secret on the website “The Way of the Master” which features him interviewing atheists and spewing nonsense about friends not letting friends go to hell with some funky little British dude who looks like late Sonny Bono. He even teaches you how to recruit sinners: invite them over to your house for a non-confrontational BBQ. Naturally, Kirk.

In this video:
Kirk Cameron learns why the design of such a well-thought-out fruit like the banana PROVES that 'God' is responsible for all of creation.

The Way Mama Used to Do

This is by far the best impersonation of Liza Minnelli, executed with uncanny precision by Mario Cantone. It comes from the movie The Aristocrats. The whole movie is shit, with the exception of this clip, and a segment where Bob Saget gets dirty. Yikes.

Sorry for the shitty quality - it's not my video. Enjoy!

A love for all things Liza

My mother always liked Liza Minnelli, and even cut her hair several times in the 70s to emulate Liza's look in Cabaret. Her admiring fancy for Liza was passed onto me, and I adore her in the way that people used to adore old Hollywood stars like her mother, Judy Garland, or Cary Grant, or Marilyn. Last months I went to see her perform live at Coney Island (she does it every summer). I expected to be pressed up against a thousand topless beefy gay men blowing kisses at her, but much to my surprise, I was wrangled in by what must have been every single geriatric ward within the five boroughs of New York City. I'd never seen so many wheelchairs in my life—and the old folks were all wasted too! (Well, it could have been the meds). Anyhow, Liza was incredible. Yeah, she's got some loose screws, and she marries gay men, but the woman has had a hip replacement, a mother who died of an overdose, and a history of substance abuse, and she can still nail "New York, New York" on a good day.

When she was married to David Gest, she did a show called "Liza's Back" where she sang:
I took the bottle of pills
And I threw them away
I went back to AA
Hey Broadway, Liza's Back!


Here's another precious Liza moment from the past:



Matthew Barney can cremaster all he wants, and he'll never come up with something this good.

DAY JOBS

Like most people, I have a really shitty day job. When people ask me what i do, I usually tell them that I freelance as an arts & entertainment writer for this newspaper, or that magazine, because that's the work I like doing best. By day, I'm an editor at a really dumb magazine (that nobody reads, including myself) and that's all about home decor. It's a cushy job with a steady paycheck, but since I like my freelance work so much better, and couldn't care less about how to make your home's nooks more cozy, I've been thinking about quitting, and taking the risk of just living off of freelancing until I find another jobs with a magazine that I like better. It's certainly a scary leap—No health insurance. No security. No free color copier!!

But I recently heard that one of the biggest work myths is that it's better to have a job in order to find another. Debunking that myth, I say it's better to remain sane and keep the integrity of my work rather than stay in hell.

I could just offer my two weeks like a normal person, but when you work with hell's minions like I do, it makes you want to come up with something more creative, so I went to You Tube For inspiration and found this:



This guy below should have quit earlier than he did. He's got a bit of a chip:



This is the life I have to look forward to?:

Weird People

1. Phillip Distasio, 34, told a judge in Cleveland in August (in preparation for his September trial on 74 charges) that he's been a pedophile for 20 years, that what he does can be therapeutic for the child, and that it's part of his Arcadian Fields Ministries religion, of which he is a friar.

2. University of Central Florida student Matthew Damsky was arrested in July and charged with starting a fire in his dormitory, just so that, he said, he could meet women during the evacuation.

3. Amarillo, Texas, officials, welcomed home eighth-place national spelling bee finisher Caitlin Campbell in June with a billboard, but misspelled her name as "Cambell."

4. A woman who learned six weeks before her wedding that her fiance was cheating on her is turning her would-be reception into a charity benefit.

Source: msnbc.com

Oink Oink!!

Yes, that's Christina Ricci with a miss piggy snout sitting behind Reese Witherspoon's funky little stunt-double. The Toronto Film Festival is well under way chickies, and on Friday night, Reese unveiled her new film Penelope, which was produced by her production company, Type A. The movie, about a wealthy young woman born with a pig's snout for a nose, is played by Christina Ricci, who obviously gleaned inspiration for her role by simply looking in the mirror.


Speaking of untalented, vacuous, and overrated "Indie-goddesses," PAPER magazine has recently deemed Chloe Sevigny as the "Art World's Favorite Movie Star." Yikes. What an insult to the art world.



I was once at an event with The Art World's Favorite Movie Star, and I can assure you, as wel as others that I know who've had first person ecounters with her, that she can't tell the difference between her ass and her elbow, much less between a painting and a photograph. Despite her connections with Harold Hunter and Harmony Korine, her real-life persona does not live up to her Art World's Favorite Movie Star reputation. And you know what, that's not something to make fun of - that is actually quite sad. Cause I'm not here to make fun of you Chloe, but I am here to observe how unfortunate it is for the whole world to think that you're actually intelligent and transgressive for blowing Vincent Gallo, when you're actually kind of clueless, like most of your groupies who think they're modern day versions of Andy Warhol's Factory groupies. I might like you better Chloe if you didn't try so hard to be such a damn aloof hipster. Because, for all the open-mindedness and coolness and downtown edginess that hipsters painstakingly try to emit, they are, for the most part, the most sourly intolerant and judgemental bunch of folks I've ever had the misfortune of meeting.

An Anniversary of What Exactly?

I'm usually not one to believe in conspiracy theories. But this documentary is incredibly compelling. It supports the theory that what happened on 9/11 was an inside job, planned and executed by the U.S. government. I certainly have some issues with it, because its arguments are anything but airtight. But nevertheless, it's an interesting perspective. The comic strip Pogo may have had it right: "We have met the enemy and it is us!".