The world is a SHITSHOW and here are some of its players

Let's get right to it.

A handbag that was supposedly stolen from Lindsay Lohan at Heathrow Airport in London on Thursday has been recovered.

THANK GOD!!!!

After the recent news of a the suicide bombing in Kabul near the U.S. embassy, and George Bush's appeal for tapping our phones to wrangle up the terrorists, I was really down in the dumpers for a second. But then it got REALLY worse when I heard the news about Lindsay, and after spending sleepless nights worrying about her calamity, I can finally rest assured knowing that the alleged coke addict, anorexic, lazy-ass, can't get to-my-million-dollar-job movie-star has found her orange fucking Hermes bag. The world has been restored to its rightful order.