Calling in Sick

I have come up with so many excuses and lies for missing a day of work.

1. I find that food poisoning works really well, especially if you have all the details down, because people will always ask you what did you eat, or what restaurant did you go to, and I'm always ready with an answer.

2. Another good one is allergies. Because so many people have allergies, and know how miserable it is to feel like your head is about to explode, so you not only get to play hooky, but you also get sympathy for it from your co-workers.

3. I think by far the best excuse is if you call in, and say with a straight face, "I have diarrhea." Yes, I know it's gross, but trust me, nobody is going to inquire further about it, and nobody wants to know that you'll be coming in and stinking up the bathroom.

But the story below, which came from the St. Petersburg Times, tops all of my excuses (plus it actually happened):

A phone call from the police department awoke Kevin Jessup at 4 a.m., and he was advised not to leave his home, because there was an alligator outside his front door. Jessup, a 46-year-old plumber looked out a window to his porch, and lo and behold, there it was. Jessup went back to bed. One of his neighbors suggested the wandering alligator might be the reason the neighborhood's stray cat population has declined.

A trapper came and hauled the reptilian trespasser to a slaughterhouse in Lacoochee. Yikes.

Here's what NOT to do if you are going to call in sick. What a fuckin' douchebag. I can't believe people actually make videos of themselves like this.